I always thought abundant life meant lots of good life. I thought it might mean that I got to have fun all the time and not care about bad things that happened, if they even happened anymore, which they wouldn't.
I guess this week I realized that if you ask for life, and more life, it means everything is amplified. That means the highs are higher and the lows, which are still there, are much lower. The spectrum is extended and things get cranked up to 11.
Sometimes, like now, that sucks. The worst song in the world is playing in my face and I'm realizing I signed up for this. Haha, right?
I've been learning the role of hope in all this. And its role right now is to make abundance bearable. Sometimes it becomes too much. Reality becomes the enemy and the way things are becomes everything you hoped it wouldn't. Hope didn't stop anything from happening, but it'll walk with you into the terrifying abundance that will try and choke it to death. Hope believes when we can't anymore. So i'll let it. I'll let it come with me. When its gone, its gone.
Abundant life is about all of life. The good, the difficult, the painful, the convictions and the compromises, the long nights, the nights that are too short, the depths and the heights. Its about love and hate; the extremes and the grey, and how you respond to them.
I'm learning though, if I'm going to really live, I'm going to have to dive into the darkness with hope as my only light. I can only hope its worth it.