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Sunday, February 16, 2014

Only Temporary

I've always wanted to be a rockstar. I wanted to be in a different city every night and wake up in a new bed every morning. I wanted to constantly be surprised and delighted and deal with problems as I ran into them, without waiting for them to find me. I've realized in the last couple weeks that in so many ways, I have gotten my wish. I am not famous, I do not travel to a different city every night, and I do not wake up in a different bed every morning, but there is a feeling that I cannot ignore of being in constant motion. So, I got my wish, I just don't get paid for it.

The thing about this whole motion thing is that when I'm moving all the time, I kinda forget about stopping. Its like flying all the time and forgetting about the ground. I forget that there are things that might just be solid and absolute and good...and bad. The other thing about that is when you are moving so quick and exploring such a wide range of ideas, you get perspective on your world; the areas where I live the majority of my life. I found out that there were other worlds out there and I decided I needed to see some of them. Since then, its been hard to trust the solid ground; the things I always took for granted as being absolute. Without trying to sound too Post-Modern: how do I know that what I think and feel and believe is the right way, or even if there is a right way? How do I know that this is not just a product of how I was brought up, or my culture, or my environment? How can I tell someone just like me, who has contradictory views that they are not correct, especially if I am asking all these questions? Where does the dream end, and reality begin?

I think there is only one way to try and answer some of these questions: gather evidence and make some decisions.

So, here I am: boldly going where so many people have gone before, to explore new worlds and find out what is real. This is why I feel like a rockstar: I am traveling. I am testing ground. I am a tourist. All this time I thought I was right at home, and I realized that I might be a stranger there. I'm trying to find solid ground to stand on.