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Saturday, June 8, 2013

Self Respect

I always think about the possibilities; what might happen.

Ever talk to someone like me? I'll give you a hint: I'm indecisive, inconclusive, and paralyzed by the weight of small decisions that make up each and every day. Sound awful? Well, yeah. I have lived in this sort of decisional twilight for most of my life. I started to wonder why.

It got me thinking.

I talked to some people about the way I make decisions and how I like to weigh every possibility and every outcome before I make one. At this, I hear you pointing out that there is no way I could even sort of get close to actually doing that, and you're right. Therefore, I would sit and stew and try to puzzle out the best possible outcome until I either made a shaky decision or I was forced to by the relentless press of time, which isn't a decision at all.

That was the problem.

Next, I had to look at why I was so paralyzed by these simple choices. I came up with several answers I didn't like.

1. I did what I did because I thought someone wanted me to.
2. I thought I would miss out if I chose wrong.
3. I felt guilty if people close to me didn't like my decisions.
4. I couldn't see my way clear to the right thing.

Now, there are easy justifications for all of these and thats why that have been allowed so long to linger at the edge of my mind, just waiting until I had to choose between Cocoa Crispies and Raisin Bran.
Ok, I'm not really that bad.

Once I started to listen to my own justifications and step back, I realized that there was something else going on here. One of the main problems was that I did not trust myself enough to make the right decision on my own.

This all comes down to self respect.

I think it is important to earn that trust with yourself, and not only that, but respect yourself enough to make the decisions that are important to you, without the pressure of what other people think weighing on your mind. If, like me, you are worried about what it the best thing is or obsessing over the right thing, it might be time to loosen the grip a little and start making judgements to see how they turn out.

While I think it is good to reflect and ask people their thoughts and opinions on things, sometimes you just have to take the plunge and hope for the best. I think you'll be glad you did.



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